Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
