Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm sobbing to NWA
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
