I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
In other news, I just burned my penis
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
