i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
