Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
