Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
the raccoons are back...
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