Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i was born a porn star she said
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
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