I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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