you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
