WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
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