watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
