we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize