I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Randomize
