No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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