i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
