I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
