It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
