I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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