The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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