she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
