Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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