I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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