the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
