i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
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I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
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There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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