he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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