I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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