i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
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After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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