Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I need to calm my uterus...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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