"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
