I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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