he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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