WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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