I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
