I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
