We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize