Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just want nice things and good sex
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
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