Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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