when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
