Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
