Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
