I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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