dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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