Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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