Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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