I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
