I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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