What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Im part way to drunk.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
