you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Did we literally take a cab across the street
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
