Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
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