separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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