Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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