somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
