Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.