you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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