You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
