he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
