I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i will never coherently bang her
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Randomize
