I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
