I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
