god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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